Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
