The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
