I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
