we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
