how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
