I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
