States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
