I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
