***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
