You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
