I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
