I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
