my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
