He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
