I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
