I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
