The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think your dad took our porno
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
