I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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