$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
