You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
farters have to be the big spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love accidental penises.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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