I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
