Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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