We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
