great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
