I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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