o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
