I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
