The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
