She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
