WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
