Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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