the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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