Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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