if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
