I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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