the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
