well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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