I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
