3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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