Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
