So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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