I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
