Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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