They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
