Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need a beard to bite.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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