Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
