I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't deserve a penis
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
