Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
