Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
