Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
