im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
