Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I deserve this hangover.
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