I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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