I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
