thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
