I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
