I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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