Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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