Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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