At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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