Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
