Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
