I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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