dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
