The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My bed smells like the plague
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
