omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
