whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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