i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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