Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
